Don’t Give Up On Dating! ( 9 ideas in how to to hang in there )
Meeting someone in a bar is unlikely to guarantee success. Online dating can be very discouraging. Many of my single clients get very hopeless about ever finding the right partner. On the holidays, it’s harder to be single for many people. One example, would be parties where everybody is a couple & you go alone.
It’s important to be more creative in how to meet people and to make it more interesting when you do. Here are 8 ideas to expand your horizons:
1. Try volunteering – People who have character volunteer. Too many are caught up in the superficial qualities found in a profile & picture instead of considering whether or not there is any substance to be found within. (Read or watch Jane Austen to learn more).
2. Make your own life more interesting so you feel less desperate – It’s really crucial to well-being to have a strong sense of life force within yourself that has nothing to do with having a partner or kids. I’ve had clients learn a new language, take up scuba diving (even in land-locked Pittsburgh), or begin Yoga with a vengeance.
3. Meet people for coffee in the daytime – That way you aren’t investing an entire weekend evening & alcohol is not 
part of the mix. Being more alert & aware is never a bad thing.
4. Cope with rejection- 25% like you, 25% don’t & 50% are indifferent. Grow calloused & accept rejection as part of the deal when dating.
5. Don’t be afraid to be yourself. Consider this a way to filter people out. You want someone who appreciates who you really are. Stay honest & don’t play games.
6. Make your list of what you are looking for shorter & more meaningful- One woman’s list was 32 aspects, it made me laugh inside because, 39 years ago I was looking for only one thing; honest. I was so young, that I don’t think I even realized that I was also looking for smart. These two qualities have held up well over the years.
7. Think of meeting people as an opportunity to hear someone else’s story. In over 35 years of working with people I’ve only disliked 5 people. People are interesting & everyone has a story worth your time.
8. Learn to ask better questions that have the possibility of depth- Casual conversation is important to the beginnings of relationships because they have to start somewhere. Expand the possibilities by asking someone for a story of something they are proud of..
….I could tell an interesting story of having to learn to floss my teeth in my early 30′s. It’s important to learn how to illicit people’s stories. Curiosity about other people’s stories brings a lighter touch to dating.
There are 80 questions on my website to improve depth, take a look: www.therapyideas.net
9. Don’t be so quick to become enchanted- Be a little more savy, everyone has a dark side. Partnership over the long haul often is about “I can live with this dark side for 30 or 40 years.” You may be attracted to powerful men in important positions but are they internally powerful? Is it a set up for disappointment because they are really self-absorbed which won’t wear well over decades.
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Great stuff, as usual!
Incidentally, I think that you want to elicit people’s stories, not illicit them….
Great post! Great to read it and appreciate it outside of the dating phase too. When I first started dating after a long recovery after divorce, I read a book that referred to a salesperson’s motto to help deal with the rejection of dating (and she recommended dating 100 people before settling down on the right one). “Some will, some won’t, some can’t, so what? Next!” That really helped me keep moving through dating without getting too caught up in the rejection part.
This was a great post. A lot of my single clients have a hard time with the holidays and the advice to get used to rejection was spot-on. General dating shouldn’t be taken personally. It doesn’t get personal until it gets personal.
Thanks for all 3 comments, they are very encouraging to me to keep writing! I appreciate you all giving me your time! Rhoda
How about meeting a person through your family and friends.
How about knowing just how much you can sacrifice to raise a family.
How about knowing your ambitions and other guys ambitions.
How about knowing the real value of love.
If you can answer these questions then you will have easier time finding a mate.
I think your response is too black & white, too simplistic. Dating through friends & family is too limited in this day & age. You can have ideas of what sacrifice means but the actual experience of sacrifice is unique. Ambitions are ideas and only a part of who someone is….I honestly believe it could be a very interesting relationship to have one very ambitious person & one who is so not! The real value of love has to be learned by most of us & the truth of the value of love is the ability to accomadate & respect the differences! Rhoda
Nice post, very positive. I especially agree with number 2 about having a life outside of just dating. Having other interests and hobbies makes you feel more positive about yourself and gives you a new perspective on life. It also helps you better understand yourself. You may realise that what you really want and enjoy in life wasn’t what you initially thought it was.
I’m so glad you like number 2, it’s my personal favorite also. Rhoda