Archive for the ‘ Couples/Relationships ’ Category
These are my least favorite words in the English language! In my office, I bump into it all too often. It is an ordinary belief that sets up enormous disappointment. I don’t understand why so many people are enchanted by this complete fabrication of what it means to be in a relationship. I see this [ READ MORE ]
When couples become parents, it can become all to easy to lose track of Who are we without the kids? The US gets lost because it’s the easiest plate to drop. Taking time out just for the two of you at least twice a month really matters. If couples aren’t talking to each other about [ READ MORE ]
Forty years ago I wish someone would have explained to me that the core of my in law problems were about their values of what was proper. I remember my brother in law observing “You guys are like oil & water.” This did not offer me any understanding. Being a therapist gives me a terrible [ READ MORE ]
Over & over couples find themselves happy to be back in their relationships that were once thought lost. I ask, “What have you both decided will be different this time around?” Not once has anyone given me an answer. This oft-repeated experience is called premature reconciling. Both partners are caught up in the myth that [ READ MORE ]
On vacation, I started my second book by Charles Cumming and I was surprised & delighted that Alec Milius was the central character yet again. One of the main ways I exact pleasure from reading is to fall in love with the characters’ strengths & weaknesses over time. I believe that’s why the poorly written [ READ MORE ]
It is a very powerful instinct to run after the person who is leaving you behind. It’s also an instinct that is wrong, and everybody does it anyway. If only I say the right combination of words….. If only I can convince them….If only, if only……. In therapy terms this is called pursuer/pursued. It’s a [ READ MORE ]
Reality is always to be found in the messiness in between two people. Not a week goes by without listening to massive numbers of people, who are only committed to their own point of view. I watch them completely erase the other person’s concerns over & over. One example: “I can have an affair but [ READ MORE ]
I’m a book snob and I cringe at romance novels. The romance novel business is a powerful industry that creates a lot of false hopes about how love should be. Affairs are fueled by the same kind of passion that romance novels are: The power of imagination trumping the hard realities of real life. Affairs, [ READ MORE ]
These are people who maintain control & power by making distance into an art form. This means they do very little they don’t want to do. Their pleasure is being in charge and not really being vulnerable to anyone else. Vulnerability costs them too much. This is the guy you’ve been dating, then you find [ READ MORE ]
Enter your email address to subscribe to the Relationship Realities blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.
Join 157 other followers
Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.
Like This Blog!
Tweet This Blog!
