Last week a client asked me why so many women give up on their sex life. Last week I told a female client who is 35 years old, that she was missing out on her sexual peak because she is too tired to sort things out with her husband. Many couples tell me their sex life is great and then reveal they have problems months later. “We haven’t had sex in forever and why?” The question too many are afraid to ask.
In two workshops that I gave on couples therapy, the same therapist was weirdly proud he didn’t talk to couples about sex. This is a complete disservice to the people he works with. If therapists can’t talk about it then who will? The sexuality page of my website happens to be the least visited page, yet contains a lot of solid information. Despite Madonna or Lady GaGa, we are a country where sex is confusing and not talked about enough.
Anticipating sex positively is the most important factor women can decide upon to improve their sex life.
Testosterone is a hormone that leaves men constantly anticipating sex positively… often they don’t need help with that. In 2000 Procter & Gamble who manufacture the testosterone patch reported in the New England Journal of medicine that for women who had lost their libido the placebo effect was almost as strong as the patch. As Susan Sontag said “Your brain is an erogenous zone.”
I believe many women have not experienced an orgasm. It can safely be said if you think you have, then you haven’t. This is something you know. One third of women don’t orgasm through intercourse. Too many women hide from receiving oral sex, because they are uncomfortable with their own body fluids and smells. Take ownership of your body and open up to sensuality. I’m astonished how many women have neglected their own sexuality. Many women have never masturbated or look at sex as a chore.
Once or twice a week, sixty-six times a year is the average. Many women avoid sex, learning about their own bodies, or use not having sex as punishment. Men are more obvious in the simplicity of being satisfied. Women are more mysterious and easily distracted.
Excuses abound. If you’re too tired, try morning sex. If you don’t want kids to hear you, start the dishwasher. TALK to each other and figure it out.