I have learned to detest the grocery store. Shopping on a Sunday, by myself, dodging all of the happy couples planning their weekly meals as I am pushing my own cart around full of microwave popcorn and lean pockets, which screams “Andalyn, party of one,” is just heartbreaking. How did I get here? I never thought that after at least 15 years of dating I would still be playing this silly game at age 32. Sure, I’ve spent/wasted time in some wrong relationships, but have had countless good, and mostly bad, dating experiences in between. After hours of crying and frustration, all you can do is try and find the humor in it all.
I have never met a man in a bar that I have ever considered boyfriend material, and I have already met all of my friend’s friends, and since church is out of the question, that leaves internet dating. Luckily, we have come a long way from the previous stereotypes that internet dating was only for perverts and desperate folks. I have met and/or dated a lot of men whom I otherwise never would have crossed paths with as a result of match.com, and for that I am thankful, kind of. Shopping for a potential date on that website is a treasure trove of comedic material.
Let’s start with the tag line listed at the top of the profile. This is where men would insert a variety of cheesy/witty one-liners to try and snag a woman’s attention so that she will click on their profile to learn more. Some of the best I have seen include, “Act now, operators standing by,” or “Just as lost as you,” and “Living the dream.” After a short while, they all sound the same. Yes, they have all had trouble finding the right one or have been missing that special spark. Every man on the website is, of course, a witty, adventurous, normal, easy-going, laid back, kind, caring, and “take home to meet mama” kind of man. I especially like the profiles when the men mention that they are willing to lie about how we met.
If you are intrigued enough to actually click on a profile, the next logical step is to check out their posted pictures. Gentlemen, we do NOT care to see any landscape and/or dog pictures, pictures of you next to a Ferrari or on a motorcycle, and please, keep your shirts on. Also, if by 6’ you really mean 5’10” save yourselves the trouble and thanks for wasting my time.
I, personally, have been struggling with a new tag line for my profile. I set it up in January and choose “Here’s to 2011,” which does not really apply now that it’s 9 months into the year and still no boyfriend. Some ideas that I have been floating around include “Who’s next,” or my personal favorite “I know, I can’t believe I’m back on here too.” I am happy to note that my pictures are from the last 6 months which is more than I can say for most of the male pics. Mr. I’m approaching 40 clearly continues to choose pics from the last 10 years.
Finally, I love the match.com commercials when they state that there are more relationships, more marriages, and more dates than any other dating websites. I do, however, think they forgot the part about more heartbreak, more divorces, more unplanned babies, and more frustration than you can handle in a lifetime. Maybe I’ll send them an email…..