If They Loved Me, They Would Know

These are my least favorite words in the English language! In my office, I bump into it all too often. It is an ordinary belief that sets up enormous disappointment. I don’t understand why so many people are enchanted by this complete fabrication of what it means to be in a relationship.communication relationship, effective communication, good communication, how to communicate

I see this as a way for the believer to avoid asking for what they want. Mothers & Fathers can often do this for children under 17. If you missed out on this in childhood or believe relationships are meant to continue this way, you are misguided indeed. It’s really your job to teach the one you love who you are & what you want.

So many people just expect to be taken care of because that is their idea of love.

Love is way more complicated over the years than this simple belief that paves the path to divorce.

Everyone needs to begin with loving themselves….that involves learning who you are & what you want. It is your lovers job to listen & respond; not to be psychic & guess accurately.

Don’t under-estimate the power of clarity within; of knowing yourself & what works. Take sex as one example. While it is easier to satisfy a male, women are more tricky. If a woman doesn’t learn something about what pleases her & then EXPRESSING SPECIFICS to her partner then she’s missing out on her own sexuality.

This belief is like children playing hide & seek with each other. Growing up means being responsible for your own wants & letting people know; then negotiating to make things work because there are two of you. I do not understand the thrill of being a mystery & then the entitlement behind CRUSHING disappointment.

It’s so much more satisfying to educate your partner on who you are. Over the years the depth of understanding creates a lovely history of both your needs being met. You like who you are together & feel like a team instead of wallowing in “they don’t get who I am” & watching the distance build.

Romantic ideas really aren’t useful to the reality of building a relationship that works over time.

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2 thoughts on “If They Loved Me, They Would Know

  1. Linda Duty says:

    I belong to a “Post treatment” group for cancer at Gilda’s club. The folks in the group talk constantly that so and so should have known..what ever. It just always rubbed me the wrong way, since being in therapy myself for many years i would think “Well if you don’t tell them how are they to know?”: I tried explaining without much luck. Tonight I am going with this blog and I am reading it to them and offering a copy of their own. Thank you Rhoda your timing is perfect 😀

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