Weddings usually make me squirm in my seat because they are so syrupy sweet. What’s missing? Something that injects everyone with the seriousness of what’s happening, beyond the party & celebration. It’s my nature to take the long view, instead of only focusing on the happy moment. So many marriages fail, that thinking about what’s required matters.
I hope that publishing this can lead to readings at other weddings, with the goal of setting up values that will lead to success at being a couple for the long haul. What follows is the 2 minute reading I gave at my son’s wedding:
Sustaining longevity in marriage is not a small achievement. Longevity depends on building an infrastructure based on truth, growth & substance.
Infrastructure requires respect. The proof of respect in a relationship is when you open yourself up to being influenced by the other. You are willing to strive to be a better person, to take a risk, to face something hard or to make a sacrifice.
Stay real with the one you come home to. Learn how to dialogue instead of the ever-so-popular parallel monologues. Have 75 conversations when something is difficult instead of giving up.
When you argue, learn to have enough imagination to know there will always be merit to BOTH points of view. Embrace the complicatedness of the differences, because they add spice to the relationship & you will never be bored.
Substance requires the courage of truth telling & the determination to be authentic with the one you love the most……for decades. It’s the layering of truth over the years that builds into the most enduring of connections.
Learn to take great care of the committed US that begins today.