Single, Dating & the movie Enough Said

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Single & dating means surviving the awkward beginnings of relationships over & over & over again. Beginnings are often the hardest part of many things but especially in dating. Dating means two strangers begin a stiff dance of stumbling around in trying to know each other.

Dating can be such a painful experience that you may often want to give up (flashing through my head are so many faces of clients with a lot to offer, acknowledging to me how discouraged they are & wondering if it’s even possible to be successful). It’s very hard to open up & share when the dating relationship may fizzle before it’s really even begun.

Enough Said captures the awkwardness, fear, moments of thrill, fear, hope & problems of starting a relationship with admirable grace. It is heartwarming because it feels so real. It is so easy to consider bailing before any true intimacy has begun…..Who is this person your inner voice shrieks??? Run NOW!!

Dating is difficult in a culture where we avoid vulnerability.

We watch Julia Louis-Dreyfess struggle as she worries because he is fat. She is so fast & furiously collecting information that continues to add to her paranoia that James Gandolfini really is a mistake. She is so consummed with protecting herself that she betrays him.

Instead of letting her own inner sense of integrity drive her choices she allows fears to twist her own soul….instead of being betrayed she is the betrayer. Is that really who she wants to be? Inside it feels right because self protection is more important than integrity. Damn the cost we all secretly say to ourselves.

Thank goodness James holds onto his boundaries & he makes it clear that what she did is just plain wrong & unacceptable. No excuses to be entertained. He maintains his integrity instead of sinking to her level by offering too easy, unearned forgiveness.

Ultimately his clarity allows her to work towards & earn her own higher level of integrity. I believe real love is helping each other be better people. We are challenged by love to be the best person we can be….so we allow honest discomfort to honestly face painful situations, which is the only path of personal growth.

Any relationship will suffer if self protection is more important than integrity. Integrity is to say the true statement & ask the hard questions in a process of finding out who you & somebody else really is. If you are lucky you will find out if you can grow & whether or not both of you have character. Facades don’t really cut it over the long haul.

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